Dearest reader -

What has happened to you this week? I know that there have been some major movements out there, and many people have been very affected.  Whether you felt it or not, this week requires a deep breath…

Ok, I feel better already.  

I love to spot patterns, and lately, I've been noticing a theme of miscommunication.  Being misunderstood, not saying what we mean, and generally just talking past each other.  

Sometimes, we can actually say what we mean.  But, a lot of the time, we say what’s on the surface.  The most important thing that’s presenting at the time.  And, if we take the time to go deeper, we see that surface feeling isn’t the most important thing at all! No sirree.  For example, you are saying to someone else, “you’re wrong when you___,” when in reality you are feeling “I hate when I ___.”  But you either don’t see it, or you don’t want to say it, or a million other reasons why your true feelings get pushed down.

Maybe this time, you’re on the receiving end.  A relatively innocuous comment cuts you down to your core.  Or, a well-meaning interloper tries to give you hope for a certain outcome, when in reality, you needed to know that the door was closing, so that you can move on.  These are all moments when you have a surface conversation, but the real conversation that needs to happen is somewhere hidden underneath all of that fluff of pleasantries and politeness.

Sometimes going deeper feels about as risky as wandering into this cave.  Still alive, though.  Bonus points if you recognize whose boots those are.

This week, I was reminded of how difficult these real conversations can be.  How difficult the surface feelings and emotions can be to crack through - in my case, those surface emotions tend to be anger, frustration and annoyance - and how these surface feelings mask the soft underbelly of what's really happening.  And exposing that soft underbelly….is vulnerable.  Eek.  No wonder why I avoid it. 

“Wild Geese” by Mary Oliver speaks to this perfectly:

You do not have to be good.

You do not have to walk on your knees

for a hundred miles through the desert repenting.

You only have to let the soft animal of your body

love what it loves.

I read “love” here broadly, because love is present, and feeling. You only have to let the soft animal of your body be present.  You only have to let the soft animal of your body feel what it feels.  Whether it’s sadness, or fear, or uncomfortability - letting those feelings come to the surface is beautiful thing. 

And, the cherry on top? Being able to express those deep feelings to someone you love and who receives you openly.  Woah.  That’s about as oxytocin inducing as the baby monkey!

So, my friend, cheers to those vulnerable conversations.  May they be often and honest.

Love always,

Lauren

PS Thank you so much for streaming Battle and for all of your amazing comments.  That song has meant so much to me, and I’m so excited that I have been able to share it with you!!

THANKS FOR READING!