I never thought I'd be writing you all a letter about vanity sizing and shrinkflation and how they are related, but here we go.
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Hello, my delicious swedish fish who aren't swedish,

I never thought I'd be writing you all a letter about vanity sizing and shrinkflation and how they are related, but here we go.

Vanity sizing is when stores change what each size means, usually making all sizes smaller for women, so that we all think we are smaller than we were, when actually we have just stayed the same.  

Shrinkflation is when your bag of Cheetos contains less Cheetos than normal - a 4 oz bag becomes a 3 oz bag, for example, so that Cheetos can give you less Cheetos and you can give Cheetos the same amount of dollars.

What in the world do these two things have to do with each other?  Smartypants, you, I'm sure you guessed something correct here, because there are many correct answers.  But today I'm going to talk about how each of these things are changes, thrust upon us, by something outside of ourselves, and usually against our will.  In this case, these changes are thrust upon us by the invisible hand of capitalism.  (Lol, that always makes me laugh, as I imagine Adam Smith's disembodied hand, gargantuan size, flicking us plebes off the earth.). But in many cases, change can be forced upon us, as if we too are puppets by some invisible god/man/child in the sky.

How do we not feel small?

When did I start thinking that sizes of Banana Republic jeans or of Cheetos packages should never change?  I get that these changes are an inconvenience, or perhaps very annoying, but in what world are we entitled to everything being the same?  Evolve or die.  Those are our two options on this earth.

If I can't even expect Frito-Lay to RESPECT ME AND MY CHEETOS BAG, how can I expect me, or my partner, or my friend, or sister, or landlord, to also stay exactly the same?  Is nothing sacred?  The answer:  yes, nothing is sacred.  Get over it, Lauren.

And, if I can't expect anything or anyone to stay the same, why does change sneak up on me like a cat taking a swipe at our tunafish sandwich?  Isn't change just as predictable as Ramona the cat freaking out when fish is present?  The answer: yes, yes it is.  Ramona's human mother will tell you that she predicts Ramona the cat's behaviors perfectly, especially involving fish. 

So, all you gorgeous human/aliens, if change is inevitable, and change is predictable, then I hate to admit it, but I might find change a little less painful if I took change in stride, welcoming it, and flowing with it.  Grr.  Or, I could write letters to Frito Lay demanding my extra ounce of Cheetos, as if I was Ted L. Nancy, which would be fun to try, though, wouldn't it?

Love always,

PS.  You guessed it! I have another show!!! probably the last one of 2023, so come to LA!!!



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