Hello freaky mushrooms, 

In case you opened this email up, all upset, please know that I consider "a freaky mushroom" to be a term of endearment.  Mushrooms are SUPER HOT these days.  They're in my matcha, my cacao, my stir fry - they're EVERYWHERE. Go forth, shiitake.  Great outfit, reishi.  You're killing it.

To some, I look like I'm going all in on being the weirdest human being that I can (authentically) be.  I would argue that I'm just going all in on being authentic, weird or not.  Weird is certainly a by-product of authenticity for me, but I bet if we actually surveyed 100 people who identify as authentic (like Family Feud actually does, despite recent meme activity), we would find that all 100 people have a decent amount of weirdness inherently in themselves.  Just think about kids.  They're all WEIRD.

This all makes me wonder, what actually stops someone from going all in, on anything.  Their authenticity, their love life, their career, their family, their hobby for garden gnomes.   You, my brilliant subscribers, are shouting at me as I type that FEAR! would be the #1 answer on the Family Feud Survey, as "the thing that stops me from doing the thing I most want to do."  Smarty pants.  Steve Harvey wouldn't even have a joke for that one.  

So, as if you were sitting right here, you answered my question that I've been pondering for a few weeks now.  Why am I not going all in on certain areas of my life?  Fear of heartbreak.  Fear of disappointment.  Fear of ... fear, probably.  But knowing this answer of fear doesn't make the fear go away.

If I'm being really honest, which I feel like I can do with you, I've avoided this pain by avoiding heartbreak at all cost.  Being cold at times, and moving on.  Here, from my next unreleased single (but released for you), Ghosts: 

 ...a stranger told me, I'm cold and empty

But I know how long the knife is, I can feel it.

...
 

Just one look, my skin's like stone

I'll move on with no remorse...

I can keep doing this, moving on with no remorse, but I'm ready to move on from moving on.   Another way to say this is, I'm going all in in going all in.  I think this shift might take me a minute.  

I've been very inspired to go all in by two shows that I have coming up.  A secret show in Las Vegas and a not-secret show in Hollywood.  I'm really pushing myself to put everything I have into the performance, the storytelling, the promotion.  I'm excited to see how fun and how deep I can make them.  Who knows what life has in store, so I may as well give it all I've got.

I'll let you know how it goes, you know I will.

Always, 
XIMXIA

THANKS FOR READING!